In the age of COVID, developing relationships has now even more pressure and stress attached than ever before. Whether familial, romantic or platonic, regardless of how many connections you make the one that is the most important to nurture and caretake is the relationship with self.
The struggle with loving self is a lifelong journey. A journey that some flow through effortlessly while others trip, stumble and fall flat on their faces. I was the later! There’s many factors that come into play like childhood trauma as well as attachment with caregivers. If you feel you struggle with self-esteem and understanding your value as a person, there are little things you can do daily to build a healthy and happy relationship with every part of you!
1. Be Kind and Patient with Yourself
This is so important and many of us tend to be especially harsh with ourselves, more so than we would ever be to other people like friends and family members. If you find yourself talking negatively or internally beating yourself up, remember that you deserve love and kindness just like anyone else so speak with love and patience with and to yourself.
2. Focus on the abundance rather than the deficits
When we struggle to love ourselves, it’s easy to fall into a mindset of negative thoughts of deficits regarding who we are and our perception of the world. We each have our own set of talents and skills as well as the many things we do well but sometimes it’s very easy to get caught up in what’s lacking rather than what’s in abundance. Just start by making a conscious and intentional effort to change your thinking from the negative to the positive. Focus on what’s going right in your world rather than what’s not.
3. Accept what you perceive as flaws
This can be a tough one but so necessary to completely love yourself for who you are. We all have flaws and definitely no one is perfect but the important thing is to not fixate on them. An important thing to remember is that flaws don’t equate to weaknesses so learning to accept them is the greatest gift you can give yourself. Once you do learn to love the flaws you may find that they really aren’t all that bad and you may even begin to love the things you once hated about yourself.
4. Ask what can I improve about myself?
Speaking of flaws, we all have aspects of ourselves and our lives that we would like to change and improve upon. Just make sure the focus and emphasis is on improvement and not being fixated and irrational about a negative perception of self. Think of what you can control versus what you can’t. That’s where change comes in.
5. Create a network of people who love and support you
Make sure to be intentional with the energy you allow into your physical, mental and emotional space. If you already struggle with negative perception of self, make sure to foster relationships that are positive and supportive. No one really wants to be around a “Debbie downer” or a “negative Nellie” so make sure the people around you can truly support you when you are struggling to support yourself!
6. Practice Self-Care
Practicing self-care can be so many different things but it’s definitely different to different people. Some people are physically active while others may indulge in an occasional favorite food. Make sure to do things that have meaning and bring joy into your world.
7. Remind Yourself That You Are Enough
Last but certainly not least, remember that you are enough!! You are deserving of good things. A daily affirmation of “I am enough” or “I deserve happiness” will drive this concept home. Say it until you believe it in your spirit. It may feel weird or silly at first but you’ll come to find how much these little reminders boost your well-being and overall sense of self. Eventually, you’ll start to recognize the truths in your affirmations!
A lifetime of love
Everyone deserves love but most importantly a lifetime of love from self. The journey to self-love can be a tough one especially if you’ve had trauma as a child. You don’t deserve to go through life feeling negative about yourself—start building a healthy relationship with yourself today! I’m always open and available for a consultation if you’d like to talk about moving forward with that self-love journey. Remember, you’re in control of your mental wellness. Take care!
